


those little drops of light

by aflyawaykindaday



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Female Character of Color, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 14:58:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2585615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aflyawaykindaday/pseuds/aflyawaykindaday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s almost funny thinking about it now, how he still managed to fall for her at a time when she purposely, painstakingly hid what turned out to be the best parts of herself, little quirks and crazes that lit her spirit up like drops of light on a black canvas, like splashes of color on a white page.</p><p>Like the neon reflecting in her dark eyes as she wholeheartedly laughs at her own god-forsaken joke.</p><p>Lightly inspired by a poem by Edmund Waller.</p>
            </blockquote>





	those little drops of light

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Heavy fluff alert. Proceed with caution.

It’s quiet when he wakes, utterly silent but for the breath that escapes him as he rubs his eyes and heaves himself up to lean against the wall at his back. The bed’s comforter collects at his waist, leaving his chest exposed, and he’s surprised to feel no chill in the air before remembering the higher temp of the apartment, so different from the recycled air in the Normandy. Thoughts of the ship bring to mind the events of the last few days, which in turn bring to mind the events of the last few  _hours_ , and Kaidan releases a breath, runs his hand through the messed quaff of his hair, and turns to the warm body dozing next to him-

Only to stiffen in surprise when nothing but rumpled sheets and empty space greet his sight. He distinctly remembers falling asleep to her curled into his chest, her lips ghosting his neck, the artificial starlight of the Silversun Strip cooling the shade of her skin from deep sienna to umber. Her eyes –  _dark as the space between stars_ , he remembers – were half-lidded and warm, locked with his in a shared moment of hushed wonder, as if she, like him, couldn’t quite believe they had made it here, back into each other’s arms after so much had stood between them. She finally kissed him, molded her mouth to his for what seemed like the millionth time that night, and it still surged through him with novelty, filled him up so entirely that it hurt to think about ever being parted from her lips or her hands or her  _heart_  again. He drifted off to the feel of her breath fanning his collarbone and her strong fingers stroking the skin of his back.

She’s gone now, and Kaidan examines the darkened bedroom before rising to his feet, pauses only long enough to pull on his briefs before his anxiousness to find her overtakes him. He blindly navigates the stairs to the ground floor of the apartment, the plush cream carpet cushioning his steps as he listens for any sound, any hint of movement in the shadows.

He doesn’t have to search long; as soon as he turns the wide corner into the living area, he spots her immediately by the window. A fuzzy black blanket is draped over her shoulders, blending seamlessly into the tight coils of her hair and subtly reflecting the neon colors of the buzzing strip outside. Kaidan breathes in and approaches from behind, watches for any sign that he’s unwelcome. She turns when she senses him, posture relaxed, and he marvels to see the lights reflected in her eyes, a bright array of color in the warm darkness of her irises. Her smile melts him even further, makes him breathe out in silent relief. “Hey, you,” he says in greeting, his voice a murmur so as not to break the cozy silence. “Everything okay?”

“I woke up and couldn’t put myself back down.” Shepard shrugs, words equally low and quiet, the blanket slipping with her movements. “It’s been a minute since I last shared a bed with someone.” The smile on her lips widens, shows a glint of teeth. “Have to get used to it again.”

Kaidan smiles back, humming at the invitation she’s put there with her words. He steps forward, opens his arms in simple request, and breathes away the last of his apprehension when she shuffles into his embrace, her gait easy and unhurried. Their lips brush, light and smooth, when she rises on her toes, and the soft down of her blanket opens to encase him in her self-made cocoon. He can’t control the small “love you” he whispers between them, trailing his hands down her naked sides. Shepard smirks, catching his eye as their nose tips touch.

“That’s a pretty deep hole you’re digging, Major. I thought we were taking it slow?” She tilts her head, her expression inquisitive but open. Kaidan grins a little, touches his forehead to hers.

“Don’t think that applies quite as much after tonight.”

Her eyebrow quirks. “Good point. Huh.” She frowns abruptly. “I owe people money.”

Kaidan blinks. “What?”

“There was a pool. ‘How long before sight of the Major’s ass shatters the good Commander’s control?’” Shepard shrugs at him before he can ask. “Not my words.”

“I assumed.” He lets the particular phrasing go with a minute shake of his head. “How much time did you wager it would take?”

“Obviously more than it did. Apparently I have way too much faith in my own discipline, and not  _enough_  faith in the gravitational pull of your rear end.” She adopts a slightly sheepish look. “Wouldn’t be the first time, I guess.”

Kaidan laughs, half incredulous at her comment, and squeezes her hips. “Sorry it didn’t work out.” He hesitates before looking at her again, gaze earnest. “This… _is_  okay, though. Right?”

“What, us?” Shepard tilts her head, hums softly, her nails idly scratching at his back. “You want to?”

“I-” Kaidan lets out an amused huff and lifts one hand to sweep the coarse whorls of her hair away from her forehead. “ _Yes_ , Shepard, I want to. I really do.”

Shepard eyes him for a moment before grinning, her expression teasing. “You really think we should? Technically we’d be  _breaking the rules_  again.” She says the words with gravity, like she’s divulging something she shouldn’t be. Kaidan arches his brow.

“Last I checked, the Commander didn’t care much for rules.”

“Last  _I_  checked, the  _Major_   _did_.” Grin widening, Shepard steps away from him, her heat going with her as she makes her way to the nearby sofa and plops herself down, blanket still wrapped around her shoulders. “When did that happen, by the way?” she asks, and Kaidan smirks at her, brow rising further.

“Trying to change the subject?”

“Only because I excel at being difficult.” At her smirk, Kaidan sighs but concedes.

“I got my promotion a few months before the attack on Earth.” Ignoring the small pang that goes off in his chest at the reminder, he crosses his arms over his chest and watches as Shepard arranges herself across the leather cushions, her head dropping to rest on the couch arm closest to him. The coverlet ends up draped over her torso, bunched at the tops of her thighs, and he lightly clears his throat before continuing. “Admiral Hackett oversaw the proceedings.”

“Well aren’t  _you_  special?” She eyes him from her new position, indulgent and playful and inviting enough that, after a short second of hesitation, Kaidan leaves his place by the window and closes the distance between himself and the sofa. He lowers himself to his knees, folds his arms and rests his chin near the place where her head lays, smiles when she shifts to better see his face.

“Only a little,” he answers, “I’m no Commander Shepard.”

“Meh.” Shepard lifts a lazy hand and waves as if to shoo something. “I hear she’s overrated. Did you get a ceremony?”

Kaidan laughs softly. “A small one, yeah.”

“Did you get a swanky new uniform?”

“Kind of, a new set of dress blues. They weren’t fancier or anything, I was just due for a new fit.” He blinks when she snickers, her nose crinkling. “What?”

“Thinking it makes sense, what with these guns you’re packing all over now.” She reaches out and squeezes his bicep, fingers running down and around his elbow, making him shiver the slightest bit. “When did  _that_  happen?” He shrugs and smiles, flattered and a touch embarrassed.

“Started a regimen after my promotion to Staff Commander. It seemed like the thing to do with the missions they started assigning to my team.”

“Your biotics division, right? I remember Anderson saying something about it.” She smiles at him. “I was happy for you when I heard.”

“I take it that was  _before_  Horizon?” He laughs when she pokes her tongue out at him, relieved to know they’ve at least come far enough to start joking about it all. “Thank you, though. That means a lot.”

“You deserve it, big guns and all.” She squeezes his arm again, looking impish; he flexes just to indulge her, and shakes his head when she ‘oooh’s dramatically. “I’ll have to get used to that, too,” she declares. “I’ve always been the wee one on the team, but whenever you and James or Garrus join me on a mission, I feel like I’m smack in the middle of a man-beef sandwich or something.” She snorts at the analogy, mirth slowly bubbling up out of her throat until it crescendos into full-on laughter. She lifts a hand and curves it back to pat her own shoulder. “That was a good one.”

Kaidan never knew Shepard to laugh at her own jokes. There’s only a handful of moments he recalls at all glimpsing someone other than the passive, straight-laced soldier she put forth during their time on the SR-1. And it’s almost funny thinking about it now, how he still managed to fall for her at a time when she purposely, painstakingly hid what turned out to be the best parts of herself, little quirks and crazes that lit up her spirit like drops of light on a black canvas, or splashes of color on a white page.

Like the neon reflecting in her dark eyes as she wholeheartedly laughs at her own god-forsaken joke.

Kaidan leans further on his arms, unabashedly watches her with what he knows is the look of someone gone, lost in one of the best possible ways.

“Hey,” he says, drawing her attention back to him. Shepard quiets, still grinning, and looks at him with stars still in her eyes. “Love you,” he murmurs, reaching a humble finger out to brush her scarred cheek.

Shepard’s smile widens and softens, the skin around her eyes crinkling. She smoothes the back of her hand along his jaw and leans into his touch. “And you wonder why I like breaking the rules.”


End file.
